Trusting in One Who is Greater

Trust: That's my theme for this week's upcoming youth service "Momentum" and it seems to definitely be something that God is continuing to teach me about. Through the past few years I've realized how little I trust people, and really how little I trust God.

Sometimes I get to a point, like this summer, where everything is going perfectly and then a wrench of some sort seems to be thrown in. To me it seems all wrong, "How could God let this happen, it must be a mistake!" But it's not. Nothing ever is. I went in yesterday to get my car smogged and it failed. Am I happy about it? NO! Was I rude to the guy who failed my car (even though it is in no way his fault)? YES! Then I got home and my car was leaking oil and making funny sounds. Great God, here it goes. I kept asking myself "my car is going to cost thousands of dollars to fix and is it worth keeping it?" But I need a car this year. God knows that, right? Well I still don't know what exactly I'm supposed to learn from this whole ordeal, it's not over yet. But it doesn't look like the car is going to cost thousands to repair, at least not for now. In a way I think God is asking me this "Do you trust me? Do you really? I mean you do really well at praising me and being positive about life when everything goes the way YOU want it to, but what about when you don't understand what's happening? Do you trust me then?" That's the true test. If I do in fact trust God it won't matter whether things are going my way or not, I will trust Him regardless.

Today I went to a little league game and the boys I was cheering for lost. For them, this game may have seemed like their whole world, and when they lost it all came crashing down around them. My prayer is that they can see in this that God has a bigger plan. It's about more than just little league. At the end of their crazy ride I pray that these 12 year old boys just maybe have learned something about trusting the God of the universe. His plans our not our own. His plans are better.

So here's to me learning how to trust. It's not something I'm terribly good at, and I know I'll never get it completely right, but each day God can help me learn to trust Him more. He is the only one who deserves my trust. Car repairs might be what get me down. For others it might be poor grades, a lost baseball game, saying goodbye to a dream, financial struggles, or the loss of friends and family members. In all things let us trust the Lord God who cares and loves for us more than any Father we can imagine.

A Summer of Learning to Live

Here it is. My first real blog. As an APU student of course I had to start blogging when I was a freshman in the "alpha" program, but I never really saw the point in blogs. After all, we all have Facebook right? Well I've recently become a blog stalker, and I thought hey why not try one of my own? Life is interesting sometimes and I thought it would be fun to share where I am, what I'm doing, and what I'm learning.

At the end of last semester I was incredibly burnt out and God knew, so He gave me the amazing opportunity to go home to Cameroun and live with my parents for a month and a half. While there I was able to sleep, read, talk with wise adults, revel in the simplicity and pure love of youthful faith, gain closure for my childhood, and just generally put my life back together. See, I love APU. I think it's an amazing school and I have learned so much about God there. I am beyond thankful for my job, my professors, my friends, and everything else. However, at the end of last semester I was about as burnt out as a person can get. I was tired. Physically. Emotionally. Academically. Spiritually. Every part of me was DONE. So Cameroun was exactly what I needed: a slower pace of life and much less responsibility. God was able to work in me and remind me that I need to allow Him to be in charge of my life and not try to control everything else. My pride in thinking I can reach perfection on my own only pushes the people I love most farther away from me, and God got ahold of my heart to reveal that pride to me. I was unable to love people because I was not allowing God to really love me. I am not fully recovered, but God is certainly working on me.

The journey to realize that I was a prideful person and unable to love really is all due to my trip to Mexico that I took this past spring. I had an amazing Ministry Adivisor, co-leader, and team all of whom showed me in their own ways just how imperfect I was and how closed off I had become from other people. So Mexico began my process of breaking down and Cameroun began the true healing process.

Now here I am, back in the United States. I am in Oceanside for the summer working as interim summer youth leader at Oak Hills Covenant Church, and loving it. God has renewed my faith in Him. I have a new passion for His grace and love in my life, and so I have a new passion for sharing that with others. Specifically, I desire to share that with the youth and staff with whom I am spending my time this summer. God is teaching me so much through my summer job. There are practical things like: how to plan a message, find teaching videos, buy Padres tickets, organize events, and manage my time. There are also the spiritual things: God's grace is more than enough for me, I have much to learn from my students, it's okay if I fail, God is in control, and many many more. I am reminded every day of my imperfections, and yet I am encouraged every day that God can use me despite those imperfections. So here's to the rest of the summer and all that I may learn. May God use me where and how I am BUT may He transform me more into His image each and every day.