1 Month or 70 years

Today is a pretty special day in the Stoker family for a couple of wonderful reasons. It's a day to remember two amazing women becoming part of the Stoker clan! One is the matriarch and the other is the newest Stoker, but both of them are loved and cherished and make us who we are. If you don't like sappy and scattered, now's your chance to stop reading.

Sooo here's a happy monthiversary (special thanks to Amanda and Zachary Heath who coined that phrase in my life) and anniversary blog :)

Happy 1st Monthiversary to Brian and Jen Stoker!!!!

It's hard to believe that it's been a whole month since they said "I Do." One month may be a relatively short amount of time, but I believe in celebrating the little things, so today I'm celebrating their life together. Their wedding day was full of anticipation, praising God, celebrating, having a good time, and recognizing their love. It was a special day, the kind of special day that makes me think about forever love, which is fitting since one month after their wedding day we are celebrating a very special anniversary in the Stoker family.


Happy 70th Anniversary to Ray and Kath Stoker!!!!!!!!!!!!

SEVENTY! That's a big number. I seriously can't imagine being alive for that many years, let alone married, but my grandparents have reached that marker in their married life. Brian and Jen have a good legacy of love in their lives (on both sides, not just the paternal side).

When I was thinking about something to do to celebrate my grandparents' big day I started searching for news on each of their decade anniversaries. That's when it hit me- 70 years is a really long time! My grandparents got married 10 days after the end of WWII- talk about a way to celebrate!! On August 25, 1945, while Nana and Granddad were saying "I Do," hundreds of children around England were being reunited with their parents for the first time in four years. I'd say that's a pretty special day to start your new family. I learned all sorts of other history in my search for significance on their decade anniversaries, and I was reminded yet again of how much they have lived through, how much anyone in their 90s has lived through.

When I was talking about my grandparents' seventieth anniversary the other day one of my students said, "How do you stay married to someone for 70 years? I can't imagine that." Quite frankly, I can't either (being as I'm single and in my 20s and all that) but her question has really made me think. How does one stay married for 70 years? In a world where it seems like more marriages fall apart than stay together, I'm so thankful to have so many people in my life to model marriage commitment. My grandparents on both sides fall into that category. When I think about Nana & Granddad and how they've made it work all these years it gives me hope. They lived through war, they moved across continents several times, they made career changes, they survived life-threatening health challenges, they watched their kids grow up and raise their own kids and now are watching (or have watched) their grandchildren raise their great-grandchildren, they have seen each other grown old and wrinkled, they have CHANGED through the years, and yet they are still together and I would say they are very much in love.

Love is watching my Granddad take my Nana's hand to make sure she doesn't fall, love is making my Nana take her pills every day, love is moving across the globe from family and friends to start a new life together, love is laughing when things get too difficult to do anything else, love is Nana cooking for her family when she never really liked cooking and Granddad taking over cooking when Nana can't anymore, love is sharing chocolate, love is picking out gifts for each other that you know the other person will love (or you know will annoy the other person, and that's just as fun), love is sometimes going on vacations that you don't want to because your spouse does, love is raising children together as a team, love is moving to the other bedroom so you don't wake up your spouse when you can't sleep, love is so very many things that I have learned from my grandparents.

So how do you stay together for seventy years? That's a question only my grandparents can answer, but if I had to guess based on what I've witnessed in them I would say you make choices every day- you choose to compromise, to laugh, to be selfless, and to stick it out no matter what. I'm so glad that Ray & Kath Stoker made that commitment on August 25, 1945. Nobody could have guessed where that commitment would take them. I'm so glad that 69 years and 11 months later Brian & Jen Stoker made that same commitment, and I look forward to seeing where that takes them in the next 69 years.

What Is Enough?

I've been reading this book called More or Less: Choosing a Lifestyle of Excessive Generosity by Jeff Shinabarger. At the beginning of the year my boss brought five books to the dorm staff and gave us each the chance to pick which one we wanted to read, and this is the book I chose. From the moment he read us the title I wanted this book. Alex Aguas, my pastor and friend in the US, has often talked about having a theology of excess rather than one of scarcity, so I was hopeful that this book would take me on a deep theological journey into this concept. That is not what this book did. 

Shinabarger starts his book with this simple question: what is enough? Throughout the book he continually challenges the reader to ask that question of themselves. He talks about how being really and truly friends with a homeless man changed his life. It messed him up. It made him think differently about his possessions and showed him his excess. He still has excess, but he and his wife are on a journey to excessive generosity and I want to join them.

I don't actually agree with all of his points in this book. I wish it was a bit deeper theologically. I think he believes a bit too much in giving hand outs to those with less possessions, rather than in linking hands and walking with them (though he does that too!). I believe in reaching hands across and not down or up, but I also think he is doing more good with his actions than I am with my inactive ideas. I am challenged by this book. 

If you have read my last few posts or know me, then you know I've been thinking a lot about injustice lately. I believe that excess is unjust. I am comfortable in my excess- I am rich. But I don't want to be comfortable with my excess. I want it to sit uncomfortably and I want to be excessively generous. I don't want to be irresponsible. God has gifted me with a job where I have excess, and I believe that I should be saving for a day when I can no longer work. I believe in living within my means. Maybe some day I will not make enough to do this, but for now I have the opportunity to give financially rather than the necessity to receive. I also don't want to be irresponsible in the way that I am generous. Anything I give to or any way I show generosity needs to be ethical and well-informed. I do not want to perpetuate injustice on this earth. 

One way that Jeff challenges his readers and friends is to conduct experiments about excess. It's been hard for me to think of an experiment to conduct. It should be something that puts me in solidarity with people who have less excess than I do, something that educates me, something that educates me, something that changes the way I think about my own excess and generosity. 

It's been difficult for me to settle on something, but I think I finally have and I want to make it public so that I'm accountable and others can join me if they want to. 

So my experiment is this: I will not eat any sort of meat for 40 days. Meat is an example of my excess of food. Meat is not a bad thing, but I want to be in solidarity with those who cannot afford it. At the same time I will commit to using the meat currently in my house to feed others generously. I will also research more about the issue of hunger, and will find a way to be excessively generous with the money I save by not eating meat for 40 days. I commit to completing this experiment, even when it is uncomfortable or I have to awkwardly explain it to others. I will take those opportunities to explain my experiment to others without expectation or judgment of them. 

My experiment will last until October 18. Join me if you would like, or maybe just ask me about my journey along the way. My prayer is that God would use this experience to change my paradigm of excess and help me to live with excessive generosity. 

Beth out.

Happy 58 Dad!

It took me less than twenty minutes to come up with 58 attributes or actions of my dad that make me love him and be so thankful for him, and there are many more that I thought of after! Happy 58th Birthday to the man who raised me, continues to make me a better person, believes in me, and loves me unconditionally! 

My dad:

Loves sports and taught me to as well

Has a Passion for good theology

Loves Jesus

Loves to learn

Loves to help others think

Plays games with me

Taught me to love to play tennis

Taught me frugality

Fostered closeness in our family

Cries with me

Talks with me

Laughs until he is red in the face and crying 

Challenges me

Believes in me no matter what

Is proud of me always

Takes time for me

Likes to be with me

Loves music and taught me to as well

Sings with me

Models sacrificial love of God

Is a Peacemaker

Makes Sunday breakfast often

Does my taxes

Doesn't think I'm toooo crazy

Loves my mom 

Listens to my opinion

Makes coffee every morning

Works hard

Is the most integrity filled person I know

Is passionate about his students

Overflows with joy jumping in a lake

Exhibits Childlike happiness when body surfing

Is Exuberant when playing croquet

Always wants to play bridge

Is Lifelong learner

Loves to pour into others

Is Willing to try new things

Is Resilient

Rocks a mustache

Plays the piano in the morning

Wants to know how I'm doing

Is Patient

Is not sexist (no 'boy' or 'girl' only activities growing up!)

Makes me think deeper

Pushes me to do things that are good for me

Picks out good earrings and other gifts

Embraces all of his cultural experiences and homes

Is Slow to judge others

Doesn't let anger overpower reason

Sacrificed monetarily for my education

Always makes an effort to visit us kids

Gets excited about a great milkshake

Raised my brothers to be thoughtful, kind, and sensitive men

Forgives me when I act poorly

Taught me how to throw a football

Plays soccer like a much younger man

Is quite brilliant with numbers

Quite simply excels at being the exact dad that God knew I needed

Proverbs 31- Who Knew!

I consider myself to be fairly biblically literate, meaning that I know my Bible stories pretty well and have some good tools for interpreting Scripture, but today I learned something new. Which, for the record, is normal. Despite spending four years studying the Bible in college as a Biblical Studies major, and spending a whole lifetime reading the Bible, I learn something new each time I open these holy scriptures. Sometimes I like what I hear, sometimes I'm deeply convicted by what I hear, and sometimes I stumble across something that resonates deeply with who I am and the journey I am on. Today was all three. Now, I know I've read this passage before (because I have some of it underlined), but I really didn't remember it, which is sad because I feel like this passage is one of those ones that we should all live our lives by. 

I know, whether male or female, you probably grimaced when you saw that the title of my post was Proverbs 31. You said, "We've heard that one before. A wife of noble character. Blah blah blah." Okay, maybe you didn't say that, but those words tend to be my reaction. For the record, I think it's because speakers and readers often do a poor job of exegeting (look it up) this particular passage, not because the passage is lacking in divine truth. It isn't. The result of poor exegesis is often a trite, highly culturized, and normally demeaning-to-women reading of this passage, one in which we forget to read it in light of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. But it's your lucky day, I'm NOT going to worry about that passage because it is not what struck me!

Did you know that Proverbs 31 is not all about said wife of noble character? I had forgotten. The first nine verses are wise words for a king (now being a wife I can't relate to, but a king? Absolutely!). Okay I'm kidding about relating to being a king, but these nine verses are gems. Let me share:

"The sayings of King Lemuel- an oracle his mother taught him: 'O my son, O son of my womb, O son of my vows, do not spend your strength on women, your vigor on those who ruin kings. It is not for kings, O Lemuel- not for kings to drink wine, not for rulers to crave beer, lest they forget what the law decrees, and deprive all the oppressed of their rights. Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more. Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.'

51 years ago today Martin Luther King Jr. gave his 'I Have A Dream' speech, and today throughout the world this dream has not truly been fulfilled. I am by no means an expert on this topic, but I realize that King's speech addressed a very unique culture with a specific broken system full of racial prejudice and injustice. The issues of race in the United States are not the same injustices that cover the whole globe, they are unique because of the history of a country built on the backs of enslaved people, poverty stricken immigrant populations, cruelty toward the people who were there before the Europeans, and also a lot of hard work by a lot of people. I could spend a long time talking about how unique the United States is in regards to injustices, but the fact is that injustice happens everywhere and so King's speech is pertinent across the world. On every corner of this globe there are people being discriminated against and who are powerless or trying their very best to just simply survive, but not quite making it. Everywhere I go there will be people who cannot speak for themselves, are destitute, are poor, and are needy. They will look different in every place, but they will be present. At some point I could fall into that category as a woman in a foreign country, but I have resources and social capital that will most likely keep me among the richest in the world. 

That is a burden. It is a burden I do not want to bear. I don't want to be white, from a wealthy family, with a wealth of cultural knowledge, a fairly stable family, a good education, and a plethora of other items in my "she's got it good" column. But the fact is that I am all of these things, and truly, on a day to day basis, I'm thankful for them. I realize that it is a privilege. But this word 'privilege' sticks with me. I am privileged. And here in Proverbs 31 a boy turned man is quoting the wisdom of his mother to him, a privileged person. It is my responsibility as a privileged person to remember the law of God so that I can speak on behalf of those who cannot. So that I can draw attention to the needs of those who have less than is fair. 

So here I am, trying to figure out what this means. Frankly I would like my friend Alex to preach a great sermon on this passage so that I can understand all (or at least more) of the nuances of what the author is saying here. I think this is an ultimate piece of wisdom from Scripture. I think this passage, and specifically that one verse I put in bold, are at the heart of what it means to be a follower of Christ. I'm just not sure exactly what that looks like for me. While I try to figure it out I will continue to do what God has called me to day by day. I will speak for the teenagers I minister to who can't speak for themselves. I will proclaim the needs of the world to anyone who will listen, especially the injustices that God has laid heavily on my heart. I will give generously to others who are on the front lines with those who are not as privileged as I am. I will continue to step on toes as I try (and fail) to figure out how to live the way God calls each of us to live. 

How will you live out Jesus' call to help the widows, orphans, and the needy that is summed up here in Proverbs centuries before He came to earth as a baby? 

Global Musings (Warning: You may not like my opinions!)

Christians are being slaughtered in Iraq. Too many are dying of Ebola in Nigeria. Racial prejudice is crippling the United States. Neighbors are killing one another in Israel and Palestine. What on earth can I do? What can WE do? What can ANYONE do? 

This past weekend I was skyping with my parents when we started talking about all of the crazy stuff happening in the world right now. As we were considering the possibilities of what various people could do for help I felt a wave of hopelessness. How on earth can God redeem these situations. Some people want America to rush into Iraq and be the great white savior. I'm sorry, but I think we all know that hasn't worked in the past. I agree that something must be done, but I can't even conceive of a solution that would be ethical, wise, effective, biblical, and just. I wonder if anyone can. A thought came to me that the American way of thinking, the Western worldview, hasn't worked in the past in Iraq, so maybe there is a line of thought from a different cultural perspective that could help. Maybe the only ones who can truly help are believers from somewhere in Asia, Africa, or South America. Maybe it's time for a different worldview to take a stab at solving problems that people from my worldview just haven't been able to solve. I don't know what that would look like, but as I pray, I pray for godly leaders who seek truth and justice to stand up from a culture different from my own and be used by God to bring peace. 

The other issues I mentioned at the beginning of this blog are more ongoing, and maybe even more complicated to solve. Ebola- do people stay and fight it or run to safety? Is there a cure to be found? There are both scientific and ethical questions to be solved, and I know I am not the one to solve them. But I also know that my parents in Cameroun may have to answer these questions for themselves if the virus spreads south to them. I pray for wisdom, health, and scientific breakthrough in the region being ransacked by this deadly disease.

Racial prejudice in America is so engrained I find it difficult to imagine a transformation of equality in the nation of my citizenship. It is such a multifaceted and deeply layered issue that again I feel paralyzed by the vastness of it. It's an issue I wish I could ignore, but while I have that luxury as a white woman I DO NOT have that option as a follower of Christ! I grew up in a world very different from the racial tension of the United States, and I have chosen not to live in that country with it's unique racial dynamics, but I still believe I have a responsibility, I'm just trying to figure out what it is from across the ocean. 

I get exhausted from hearing Christians blindly supporting Israel no matter what they do to the Palestinians. Not that Palestine is innocent, but this basic premise that we must support Israel as Gods chosen people or out of some deep seated guilt for what happened during the Holocaust has got to go. I'm not saying we forget the atrocities of the Holocaust and how the world just let it happen for far too long (the reason we have to do something in Iraq, even though I don't know what), but I am saying that it doesn't give one nation a blank check for killing. I don't have a solution for the conflict in the Holy Land, but I do believe that we have to stop blindly supporting one group just because of their genetics. Talk about racial prejudice...

These are my musings. They are of course offensive to some. They may make me enemies, but they are the honest truth. I find myself easily crippled by hopelessness when I consider these and other (I did not even mention the issues that are more personal for me in Congo and CAR), and yet I know that my God is one of hope. It is too easy for Christians to stick our heads in the sand and say that Jesus is coming back soon and we will just wait it out. We can't do that. Christ came to redeem this world, and the gospel is on a trajectory of restoration NOT letting the world burn. So I refuse to stick my head in the sand. I also refuse to believe that I have all of the answers. I pledge to listen, to pray, to engage, and to hold onto the hope for mankind by the grace of God. I will pray that God will give me an opportunity to make a difference, even if that difference is simply to bring awareness to the people around me who are more able to truly help. But if it's something else, I pray that God would open my eyes to it. I pray that I would live as Christ, seek His truth, ask hard questions, and be willing to act when the time comes. 

May God help me not to hide behind my words, and may he help you to do the same.

1 Corinthians 13 in Dorm Life

Love isn't something I'm very good at. In the Hollywood sense of the word, I've never been in love. I don't understand the need to text or see someone every day, and I'm not sure I ever will. But it's more than that. Someone once told me that it's hard for others to love me because I don't seem to let God fully love me, so then I can't give or receive love properly. I think there is some truth in that, and I'm not sure that I'm the only one who has that problem. That being said, I'm not being a Debbie downer about my ability to love people. There are lots of people who I love, but today I'm concerned about showing love to those people I either know and do not love with Christ's love or do not yet know and still realize I should show love through Christ's strength. 

The Bible talks about love a lot in this sense. God is love. 1 Corinthians 13 is probably the most famous passage on love, and it explains just how important it is. How empty our lives are if we do not have love. 

Today is the beginning of a new school year at Morrison. All of our dorm students (except for a select few still on their way) are moved in and currently experiencing their first day of school. This afternoon I will head to dorm #1 and begin my year being fill-in dorm parent at least once a week in each of four dorms. It's a daunting task. These are teenagers. Sometimes they are grumpy. I'm 25. Sometimes I am grumpy. So I guess that's a wash. How on earth are we supposed to make it through a whole year of living life together without someone ending up worse for wear? I'll tell you how. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

If we can hold on to these things we can get through this year, and probably even enjoy it! So join me in a prayer for this kind of love. May I remember this year especially to protect, trust, hope, and persevere in relationships with each of my students, coworkers, and Heavenly Father, and may you do the same. 

A New Year of Boarding

When was the last time you were really and truly new somewhere? New place, new people, new routines, new expectations, and even new food. This afternoon we have more than twenty new dorm students moving into the four dorms at Morrison Academy in Taichung. Some of these kids know five or six others coming from their same school, but they might not have really been friends with them before (even if they have chosen to be roommates now). A few of these kids won't know anyone and may even be brand new to Taiwan. Imagine. You are in high school, maybe ninth or tenth grade, and your parents bring you to a new country, a new school, and drop you off to live with 17 strangers (give or take a few). For some of us this seems normal because we grew up around it as TCKs, but if I really stop and think I'm struck by just how strange it is. It's hard enough for a stable adult to move to a new place for a new job, but at least we know a bit better how to cope in general, typically have our own space and homey things, have more ownership over the choice to move, and hopefully have been given tools for transition. These kids don't have much of any of that. Maybe their parents gave them a choice, but maybe not. Maybe they brought some touches of home, but they probably couldn't fit much into their luggage. Maybe they are with a mission that has taught them about transition or have parents who have raised them with healthy coping tools, but this is unlikely and quite rare. Maybe they are mature enough to handle the move easily, but they are still teenagers!!

So here I sit, six hours before the new students start to show up, and I'm struck by the sheer terror some of these students must be feeling. Others might be excited only to realize how difficult this move will be down the road. I'm not saying it's a bad move. I love our boarding program! I love the idea of kids living in community with others who are so different from them and learning how to compromise in that situation. I love the responsibility they learn. I'm excited for some of the really fun things they get to experience that most kids don't get at home with their biological families. I am eager to get to know them and watch God use all of these things and more to form them and draw them deeper into a relationship with himself. Boarding isn't for everyone, but since I was pretty little I've thought it was a good option for a lot of people. Not that all boarding programs are well done, but I truly believe that the system here at Morrison is one of excellence. I'm proud to be a part of it! How lucky I am to do something that has been on my heart from a young age in a place that does it so incredibly well and where I am surrounded by true professionals in this field who I learn from every day. 

So here I sit. Thankful for the opportunity to do the best job on earth. Blessed by wise coworkers and a stellar boss. Praying fervently for new students and jumping-up-and-down excited to see the returning students tomorrow. I believe in what I do, but it takes a lot of prayer support and God-given wisdom on a daily basis (especially for someone as young and flawed as myself). I simply ask this of you: if you are reading this say a prayer. 

Here are a few ideas:

-Pray for new students and all of their aspects of transition. Homesickness. Adjusting to a new school. Making friends. Living with a roommate and in a home with 15 other students and dorm parents. 

-Pray for returning students. Homesickness as well. Welcoming the new students into their dorms. Potentially transitioning to a different dorm. Continuing to live well in community and modeling that to new students. Comfort as they adjust to last year's senior class being gone.

-Pray for all students. Academic success. Healthy and balanced lifestyles. Safety. Good relationships with their biological families as well as their dorm families. Ever increasing love of God and others. 

-Pray for dorm staff. The ability to reach out to students and make them feel welcomed and loved. Wisdom in making tough (and even easy) decisions. Relationships with one another and their own biological children. Good conflict management skills. Necessary rest. Good health and safety. Hunger for the Word of God and relationship with God- this is what sustains. Sweet moments of community in what is often an isolating job. 

Thank you for your prayers as we start another school year!